I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
