Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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