Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
