bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
