May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just threw up on my dentist
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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