I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
