You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
