sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
