I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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