take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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