Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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