Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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