I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
