I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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