He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
