i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
