Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
