If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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