the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
