her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
