I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
