Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
