FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
