he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
