you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
