summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
