I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
