I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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