Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
