she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
