remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's Friday. Sex?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
