i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
