I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
