i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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