My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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