I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
