i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
