I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
