you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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