Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
