i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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