Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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