Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
