My nipple is on Facebook.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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