the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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