How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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