you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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