why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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