Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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