Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
