Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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