those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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